An Open Letter to Texas

Dear Texas,

This on the ground is called snow. We see it a lot "up north." Do not be alarmed. It's just really water.  You are capable of driving in it. The world is not over. There might be ice. Like that stuff you put in your sweet tea!! You melt this with salt. Not sand. And not leaf blowers. SALT.

The snow on the ground does not alter your driving capability. Unless, of course, you were an idiot driver beforehand, then you should probably stay off the roads, for our safety. The only think that makes driving dangerous is ice. Snow = fine. Ice = bad.

Here's a few tips for driving on ice, Texas. Go slow. Y'all might have some trouble with that, but you'll be thanking me when you're not stuck on the side of the road. Test your brakes before you're on the road. Nothings scarier than realizing your brakes aren't working as you skid into the middle of an intersection. Watch your back. Some people probably didn't read this passive-aggressive blog post and don't know to test their brakes. You might get rear-ended. Take corners and lane-switching slowly. Slow and steady wins the race. And please, for the love of God and George Strait only drive if you have four wheel drive. All of y'all with those big ol' pickup trucks think you're somethin' fancy until you get on that glistening patch of ice and your back tires slide out because your bed isn't loaded down. If you really need to go somewhere in the F-150, load up some sand bags.

Ok, you've got the basics down for driving. If you have any questionable thoughts as to if you should try to drive or not: don't. That's how you, your car, and other people get hurt. Bad bad bad idea. But if you decide to drive, you should probably have a few things in that car of yours. First of all: a blanket. No, not for while you're driving (unless your heat is broken, then you're screwed my friend). If you happen to get stuck on the road, it's gonna get cold, fast. You'll need that blanket. Secondly: an ice scraper. I know y'all probably didn't think you'd need one down here deep in the heart of Texas, but it's way easier to scrape ice off of your windshield with that tool rather than a credit card (and who would want to risk snapping their credit card..). And finally, have some gloves. You can thank me later.

You're all probably thinking, "stop judging us for not knowing how to handle snow, this never happens to us!!!" Well, y'all should probably learn because this ain't no California; you're gonna get snow every once and a while.

Trust me, I love myself a good snow day. I've had three this week. Two were uncalled for, but Friday's was needed. I hope everyone was able to throw some snowballs, sled down hills (with impromptu sleds out of laundry baskets) and build snowmen just like we were able to! Welcome to winter, Texas.

No comments:

Post a Comment